My Big Mouth
Okay, so my sister and my parents know now.
It's really hard not to say anything.
Plus, if something happened and I was in need of support and comfort, it would be nice to have some, in addition to my husband's. And he'd be needing all that too.
So anyway. Not much new to report - feeling about the same. Felt kind of sick in the middle part of the day, but I don't know if that was pregnancy or hunger related.
This is it for the moment - I want to write a bit in my other blog.
Friday, September 05, 2003
First Test Positive
That's right. I'm pregnant. First home test came back positive two days ago. I'll take the second one next week, and if/when that is positive too, then I can call the Dr and set up my first appointment.
I'm excited. I am a teeny bit nervous, because of the other 2 early miscarriages I've had in the past, (the last one this past spring), but hopeful because I have a 15 month old child and he is happy and healthy and proof that I can successfully reproduce.
Yes, well, not all by myself. My husband just looked at me with a bit of fear when I showed him the two pink lines the other night. We keep joking that all he has to do is look at me and I'm knocked up, and it almost seems true. Thank god I wasn't promiscuous or stupid in my pre-married existence. I'd have a football team of 'em.
And because it's not a ton of fun to have to tell people about "the loss," we're keeping this quiet for a bit.
I know I won't be able to hold out. Not for a real long time.
I created this blog just so I could babble about this pregnancy when the mood hits and not just start announcing it to everyone I see. Or calling all my family members. Or just giggling at random moments throughout the day.
So here it is. It's a temporary blog, too. After we've decided it's okay to tell people, I'll just go back to my original blog and link to this one for anyone who wants to read this stuff.
I feel pregnant. Physically. I feel kind of crampy. My breasts are kind of sore.
And I feel...excited...like I used to feel (and still do, who am I kidding?) going to bed on Christmas Eve...hee hee hee...that's how I feel.
And I'm trying not to feel too much like that, just in case.
But you know what? Just in case throws a big damper on things, and what if everything goes fine? Hmm? I get to the finish line, having held my breath all that time, and never getting to fully enjoy the ride. (Okay, yes, mixing metaphors. You can't tell me about it (yet) because I'm not putting an email on this. So.)
So I'm going to be excited. Dammit. I've left the positive pregnancy test thing out on the counter in the bathroom and every time I go in there I see those pink lines and I smile and giggle inside and am flooded with happiness. Just like I was before. With the two I lost early on, and with the one who is sleeping in his crib upstairs.
Me being happy and excited has no effect on what's going to happen with this pregnancy, so I might as well be happy, because I'm certainly no treat to be around when I'm not.
The funny thing about this one is that I have no idea how far along I am. I can guess. I'm either about 4 weeks or about 8. I thought I was pregnant a month ago because I didn't get my period...but I took two tests - no and no. So I thought maybe my body was being weird because I'd gone off the pill not too long before, and also because I'd had a bout with lyme disease and maybe the antibiotic was messing me up. And then this week came along...and I was already feeling something was going on...so I bought the tests. And I was going to wait til tomorrow, just in case...but I couldn't wait.
Funny, also, that last week I was in a get-things-done kind of mood, so I took our queen size mattress and boxspring off the bed frame, took the frame apart, and put together the new frame that we bought a couple weeks ago. (My husband helped lug the headboard up the stairs. But I did the rest.)
And when I was pregnant with my son and didn't know it yet, my husband and I were moving ourselves into this house - again, lugging heavy furniture around.
And I said, to my husband, after we'd brought the headboard upstairs, wouldn't it be funny if I was pregnant again, after doing all this...
My son stayed where he was through a lot more heavy furniture moving than just a bed frame. I figure he was meant to be.
And so I'm hoping that this newest little person represented at the moment only by a pair of pink lines in a white plastic stick is meant to be, too.
That's right. I'm pregnant. First home test came back positive two days ago. I'll take the second one next week, and if/when that is positive too, then I can call the Dr and set up my first appointment.
I'm excited. I am a teeny bit nervous, because of the other 2 early miscarriages I've had in the past, (the last one this past spring), but hopeful because I have a 15 month old child and he is happy and healthy and proof that I can successfully reproduce.
Yes, well, not all by myself. My husband just looked at me with a bit of fear when I showed him the two pink lines the other night. We keep joking that all he has to do is look at me and I'm knocked up, and it almost seems true. Thank god I wasn't promiscuous or stupid in my pre-married existence. I'd have a football team of 'em.
And because it's not a ton of fun to have to tell people about "the loss," we're keeping this quiet for a bit.
I know I won't be able to hold out. Not for a real long time.
I created this blog just so I could babble about this pregnancy when the mood hits and not just start announcing it to everyone I see. Or calling all my family members. Or just giggling at random moments throughout the day.
So here it is. It's a temporary blog, too. After we've decided it's okay to tell people, I'll just go back to my original blog and link to this one for anyone who wants to read this stuff.
I feel pregnant. Physically. I feel kind of crampy. My breasts are kind of sore.
And I feel...excited...like I used to feel (and still do, who am I kidding?) going to bed on Christmas Eve...hee hee hee...that's how I feel.
And I'm trying not to feel too much like that, just in case.
But you know what? Just in case throws a big damper on things, and what if everything goes fine? Hmm? I get to the finish line, having held my breath all that time, and never getting to fully enjoy the ride. (Okay, yes, mixing metaphors. You can't tell me about it (yet) because I'm not putting an email on this. So.)
So I'm going to be excited. Dammit. I've left the positive pregnancy test thing out on the counter in the bathroom and every time I go in there I see those pink lines and I smile and giggle inside and am flooded with happiness. Just like I was before. With the two I lost early on, and with the one who is sleeping in his crib upstairs.
Me being happy and excited has no effect on what's going to happen with this pregnancy, so I might as well be happy, because I'm certainly no treat to be around when I'm not.
The funny thing about this one is that I have no idea how far along I am. I can guess. I'm either about 4 weeks or about 8. I thought I was pregnant a month ago because I didn't get my period...but I took two tests - no and no. So I thought maybe my body was being weird because I'd gone off the pill not too long before, and also because I'd had a bout with lyme disease and maybe the antibiotic was messing me up. And then this week came along...and I was already feeling something was going on...so I bought the tests. And I was going to wait til tomorrow, just in case...but I couldn't wait.
Funny, also, that last week I was in a get-things-done kind of mood, so I took our queen size mattress and boxspring off the bed frame, took the frame apart, and put together the new frame that we bought a couple weeks ago. (My husband helped lug the headboard up the stairs. But I did the rest.)
And when I was pregnant with my son and didn't know it yet, my husband and I were moving ourselves into this house - again, lugging heavy furniture around.
And I said, to my husband, after we'd brought the headboard upstairs, wouldn't it be funny if I was pregnant again, after doing all this...
My son stayed where he was through a lot more heavy furniture moving than just a bed frame. I figure he was meant to be.
And so I'm hoping that this newest little person represented at the moment only by a pair of pink lines in a white plastic stick is meant to be, too.
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